I Live Here
I was talking to my friend Janelle at community group a couple weeks ago, and she asked how long I've lived in Madrid, and when I told her 2 1/2 years, she laughed. "It's funny; I still think of you as one of the newbies."
"That's ok," I said, "most of the time, so do I."
It's really been over the past six months I've come to the realization that I live here. In Madrid. I know that this seems to be obvious, but to be honest the realization crept up on me, some pieces of it slowly, some with a vengeance. None of it with my express permission. I live here.
Maybe I should step back and explain:
University is a temporary thing. You see the end from the beginning. I worked at a credit center for six months. I knew it was a temp job when I started. My first six months here I was an intern with Mountainview International Church. A temporary thing. After that I planned to finish out my year here by taking classes at the Universidad Complutense Madrid. Another temporary thing. Six months became a year and a half, and then several months of temporary life in the U.S. raising support.
This really didn't bother me, especially in the beginning. I don't think I wanted permanence right out of college. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think lots of people graduate from university with a fear of permanence--a fear of waking up one day and it's 30 years later. So we compartmentalize our time into neat 6 month or one year chunks, moving from one transitory state to another.
But in the past 6 months, that fear has been replaced by something else. The desire to live somewhere, to call somewhere home. To "settle down." Spending years in one place, doing the same thing, isn't a scary thought to me anymore. It sounds refreshingly...normal. Sustainable. Grown-up.
Somehow I've come to feel that Madrid is my city. I know this city, and want to know it better. I love this city, and I want to serve it because I love it and want it to be better. I do what I consider "long term" things here now. I have worked up the nerve to go to Spanish doctors. I got new glasses here. I called the persiana guy when our blinds broke. I ventured into an underwear store to find a slip. I got my hair cut here and liked it. I'm developing some friendships that might take years to become close. Small things, but things I would have avoided if there was a chance I'd be moving on in 6 months. I find myself making plans to visit friends in Portugal summer of 2007. Thinking about where I'll live in Madrid when the 5 years on this apartment contract runs out. I'm thinking of where I want God to bring Oasis Madrid to in the next several years, and each time I think of it I see myself still in Madrid.
It's not as easy for me as before to think of my life in six month intervals. Six months is nothing--a sigh. When I'm 40, six months will be a blink. When I'm 50, less than that. Life is more than the sum of six month intervals.
It's not scary. It's not boring. To risk sounding trite, its....nice.
Permanence is a relative term in church planting. I don't know where God will take me. But I know that for now I live in Madrid. I really live here. And that's a good thing.
"That's ok," I said, "most of the time, so do I."
It's really been over the past six months I've come to the realization that I live here. In Madrid. I know that this seems to be obvious, but to be honest the realization crept up on me, some pieces of it slowly, some with a vengeance. None of it with my express permission. I live here.
Maybe I should step back and explain:
University is a temporary thing. You see the end from the beginning. I worked at a credit center for six months. I knew it was a temp job when I started. My first six months here I was an intern with Mountainview International Church. A temporary thing. After that I planned to finish out my year here by taking classes at the Universidad Complutense Madrid. Another temporary thing. Six months became a year and a half, and then several months of temporary life in the U.S. raising support.
This really didn't bother me, especially in the beginning. I don't think I wanted permanence right out of college. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think lots of people graduate from university with a fear of permanence--a fear of waking up one day and it's 30 years later. So we compartmentalize our time into neat 6 month or one year chunks, moving from one transitory state to another.
But in the past 6 months, that fear has been replaced by something else. The desire to live somewhere, to call somewhere home. To "settle down." Spending years in one place, doing the same thing, isn't a scary thought to me anymore. It sounds refreshingly...normal. Sustainable. Grown-up.
Somehow I've come to feel that Madrid is my city. I know this city, and want to know it better. I love this city, and I want to serve it because I love it and want it to be better. I do what I consider "long term" things here now. I have worked up the nerve to go to Spanish doctors. I got new glasses here. I called the persiana guy when our blinds broke. I ventured into an underwear store to find a slip. I got my hair cut here and liked it. I'm developing some friendships that might take years to become close. Small things, but things I would have avoided if there was a chance I'd be moving on in 6 months. I find myself making plans to visit friends in Portugal summer of 2007. Thinking about where I'll live in Madrid when the 5 years on this apartment contract runs out. I'm thinking of where I want God to bring Oasis Madrid to in the next several years, and each time I think of it I see myself still in Madrid.
It's not as easy for me as before to think of my life in six month intervals. Six months is nothing--a sigh. When I'm 40, six months will be a blink. When I'm 50, less than that. Life is more than the sum of six month intervals.
It's not scary. It's not boring. To risk sounding trite, its....nice.
Permanence is a relative term in church planting. I don't know where God will take me. But I know that for now I live in Madrid. I really live here. And that's a good thing.
posted by kelly_w at 10:13 AM
2 Comments:
Yes it is! :)
So glad to hear that when you think of the year 2011, you still envision yourself in Madrid, hangin' out with Oasis Madrid! That just makes my day, Kelly!
Love ya,
T
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