Tuning, Performing, Leading, Worshipping
My friend Kelly Crull says that I'm a worship leader. He really is a worship leader, and a good one. I respect his opinion on most things. He even convinced me to buy a mac, for which I am extremely grateful.
But I usually disagree with Kelly when he says I'm a worship leader. I want to be one, I'm learning, I lead worship sometimes. I sing, play guitar, help lead art stuff, try to facilitate hands-on worship, etc. But I don't know if I would call myself a worship leader. To me, a worship leader does exactly what the name says--they lead people into worship. They walk a fine line between being in front (sometimes) to lead people but getting out of the way so people can really interact with God, not themselves. Kelly (Crull, not me) is really good at this. I want to be, but I'm not yet. I'm new at it. I guess I'll get better at it as time passes. But until then, I don't know why, but I have a hard time calling myself a worship leader.
Part of this probably comes from a very performance-oriented background. The good kid. The good student. The good singer. The piano major. The good Christian. To be totally honest, I'm used to being good at things, or at least being seen as being good at things. But since moving to Spain, I have had to do things that I'm not good at, that I'm just learning. Church planting is a learning-intensive field to say the least. You see a need, and sometimes you just have to step up and fill it even if you don't feel ready. Sometimes you can't wait until you're polished and perfected and in your nice evening gown after practicing 6 hours a day for months. Once you're outside of piano performance, the world just doesn't work that way. Life doesn't wait for you to get good at things.
And honestly, who is good at anything, really, when they're just 25? But that's a whole other post.
So anyway, I started leading worship singing before I was "ready." I still don't feel ready. I make tons of mistakes and have to work hard to learn new chords, and lets face it, my bar chords still suck. I can sing and play, but I have a really hard time talking and playing at the same time.
Of course, I know that worship is more than music, and leading worship goes much deeper than musical skill. But I think that this is just starting to sink in to me. So maybe it's good that I'm not "good" at it yet. Maybe it's helping me learn just to worship, imperfect as I am.
Yesterday is a good example. I was leading us in the singing part of our worship. I had new strings that weren't staying in tune well (my fault for waiting until the night before to put on new strings), so before the last set of songs, while a powerpoint to a Derek Webb song was playing, I quietly used my little tuner to get things back in order. One of the strings was flat. I turned the peg and tried again. Still flat--no change, actually. I turned some more. Still flat. That's when I realized I was turning the wrong peg. (rookie mistake, I know). I quickly fixed the tuning, but the powerpoint was about to end, and I was up next. There wasn't time to fix it well enough. When I started to play, my B-string sounded sharp.
So during the chorus of the first song, I strummed the first chord and we sang a cappella. And I tried to turn the peg (of the right string this time) to get it back in shape, singing the whole time. The next chord I strummed, it was flat. Oh crap. This went on for two entire songs. I never did get it back in tune. We ended up singing the last half of the last song a cappella--I gave up. I was super frustrated and sure I had ruined the worship experience for all the people in the room.
But when I looked around the room, not one eye was on me. Actually, very few eyes were open. Here I was, worried about how well I was playing in front of people, and there they were, singing their hearts out, oblivious to my tuning dilemma. They were worshipping.
I still stand by my statement that I am not yet a worship leader. But God is. Maybe none of us are worship leaders yet, even Kelly Crull. Maybe leading worship has much less to do with the leader and much more to do with worship. Maybe worship centered around Jesus isn't about me at all. These are all things that I know in my head, but I'm just starting to learn in my heart.
So I will keep learning from my mistakes. I will keep trying new things and pushing my own tight little boundaries of what is and is not worship. I will go for excellence, but first I will keep trying to get my little performance-bound self out of my own way so I can worship. I will look to Jesus, my own worship leader, to lead me as I lead others.
One day, I will be a worship leader.
But I usually disagree with Kelly when he says I'm a worship leader. I want to be one, I'm learning, I lead worship sometimes. I sing, play guitar, help lead art stuff, try to facilitate hands-on worship, etc. But I don't know if I would call myself a worship leader. To me, a worship leader does exactly what the name says--they lead people into worship. They walk a fine line between being in front (sometimes) to lead people but getting out of the way so people can really interact with God, not themselves. Kelly (Crull, not me) is really good at this. I want to be, but I'm not yet. I'm new at it. I guess I'll get better at it as time passes. But until then, I don't know why, but I have a hard time calling myself a worship leader.
Part of this probably comes from a very performance-oriented background. The good kid. The good student. The good singer. The piano major. The good Christian. To be totally honest, I'm used to being good at things, or at least being seen as being good at things. But since moving to Spain, I have had to do things that I'm not good at, that I'm just learning. Church planting is a learning-intensive field to say the least. You see a need, and sometimes you just have to step up and fill it even if you don't feel ready. Sometimes you can't wait until you're polished and perfected and in your nice evening gown after practicing 6 hours a day for months. Once you're outside of piano performance, the world just doesn't work that way. Life doesn't wait for you to get good at things.
And honestly, who is good at anything, really, when they're just 25? But that's a whole other post.
So anyway, I started leading worship singing before I was "ready." I still don't feel ready. I make tons of mistakes and have to work hard to learn new chords, and lets face it, my bar chords still suck. I can sing and play, but I have a really hard time talking and playing at the same time.
Of course, I know that worship is more than music, and leading worship goes much deeper than musical skill. But I think that this is just starting to sink in to me. So maybe it's good that I'm not "good" at it yet. Maybe it's helping me learn just to worship, imperfect as I am.
Yesterday is a good example. I was leading us in the singing part of our worship. I had new strings that weren't staying in tune well (my fault for waiting until the night before to put on new strings), so before the last set of songs, while a powerpoint to a Derek Webb song was playing, I quietly used my little tuner to get things back in order. One of the strings was flat. I turned the peg and tried again. Still flat--no change, actually. I turned some more. Still flat. That's when I realized I was turning the wrong peg. (rookie mistake, I know). I quickly fixed the tuning, but the powerpoint was about to end, and I was up next. There wasn't time to fix it well enough. When I started to play, my B-string sounded sharp.
So during the chorus of the first song, I strummed the first chord and we sang a cappella. And I tried to turn the peg (of the right string this time) to get it back in shape, singing the whole time. The next chord I strummed, it was flat. Oh crap. This went on for two entire songs. I never did get it back in tune. We ended up singing the last half of the last song a cappella--I gave up. I was super frustrated and sure I had ruined the worship experience for all the people in the room.
But when I looked around the room, not one eye was on me. Actually, very few eyes were open. Here I was, worried about how well I was playing in front of people, and there they were, singing their hearts out, oblivious to my tuning dilemma. They were worshipping.
I still stand by my statement that I am not yet a worship leader. But God is. Maybe none of us are worship leaders yet, even Kelly Crull. Maybe leading worship has much less to do with the leader and much more to do with worship. Maybe worship centered around Jesus isn't about me at all. These are all things that I know in my head, but I'm just starting to learn in my heart.
So I will keep learning from my mistakes. I will keep trying new things and pushing my own tight little boundaries of what is and is not worship. I will go for excellence, but first I will keep trying to get my little performance-bound self out of my own way so I can worship. I will look to Jesus, my own worship leader, to lead me as I lead others.
One day, I will be a worship leader.
posted by kelly_w at 1:39 PM
7 Comments:
You ARE a worship leader.
...and you're not half bad at blogging either :)
I won't argue with you since I get to see you day after tomorrow :). Thanks.
k
Althogh you don't know me super well, I have an opinion. And you know you're going to get it. ;)
Being "good" isn't always the qulifying factor. For all practical purposes, you are a worship leader. Through different means (art and music) you bring people closer to God. You help them initiate worship. You have gifts and talents that help others become closer to God.
You are worship leader. If you don't like the title, you may change it to something more comfortable, like head chicken sculptor. ;)But you'd still be leading HIS people in worship.
how about this. everyone who is a part of the body of Christ is a worship leader. worship is a lifestyle and we should be leading others to worship the Lord with their lives by the way we worship the Lord with ours. OOH. they will know we are Christians by our love. on that note, i think you are a great worship leader.
chicken sculptor....i like it :). thanks, bob.
good stuff, victoria. i'm starting to think along those lines too (that we're all worship leaders in a way). thanks.
This was a great piece of writing, Kelly. Thanks for those thoughts. Good stuff.
Miss you tons.
Troy
I LOVED reading this post. These are things I'm just beginning to grasp as well. God's Spirit will gently nudge me to lead a song - an unpracticed, from the heart, make-it-up-as-you-go-along type song, and I'll suddenly get scared and think it won't sound good. This is something I need to get over...the Lord is trying to use me and my pride is hindering it. Doh!
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