Funny Things
Funny things tend to happen around me. Actually, I'm not sure if that's true. Sometimes I really do think more funny things happen to me than most others. But other times I think I just notice more because my mind is eternally warped from watching too much Seinfeld and now feels the need to share the humor of every ridiculous little thing that most others would ignore. Actually, the exact quote from Seinfeld is "the excruciating minutiae of every single daily event." Can you name that episode?
So here is some excruciating minutiae from my life. I hope you enjoy.
A herd of segue's. Yep, a whole batch of 'em.
Last Sunday was one of those beautiful Spring days that's so gorgeous you don't have the option of staying inside. One nice thing about having our Oasis Madrid services on Saturday night is that, come a Sunday like this one, you actually have the day to spend outside if you want! After getting home late-ish and sleeping until almost noon, I decided to take a blanket and a book out to Templo de Debod and spend the day relaxing in the sun. And so began the next 5 hours. Amy joined me a couple hours later.
At about hour four, I heard a strange swooshy-buzzy sound to my left. At first I thought I was dreaming (I might have dozed off at a point or two in the afternoon), but the sound persisted, accompanied by some unmistakably British accents. I turned my head and there they were, in all their glory. Six or seven middle aged and up British tourists, each mounted on their own segue, rolling along at no more than 3 miles per hour behind their fearless leader.
If you're confused as to what a segue is, here's a picture I found on flickr:
4888_roller boy
Originally uploaded by thomask.
Now imagine six of them, all inhabited by grey-haired Brits in the middle of Madrid.
Come on, guys, Madrid is a compact city. Do you really need to tour it in segue's? Are there enough even sidewalks for those things to even be useful? Do you really have nothing better to do with your time and money than roll around the park with your bum bag (or fanny pack, if you're American. But a Brit would never call it that!) and visor? And the most important question: can I have one?
The breakup
Sometimes, when I hear people speaking English on the train or the metro, I talk to them and ask where they're from. It's something to do when you're bored. But other times people are having a conversation that is obviously not meant for you, and then it gets awkward. What do you do? You're trapped in the car with them--you can't NOT hear. If you say something, then they know you speak English, and then they think you were eavesdropping, and then everyone feels awkward. At those times, I find it best to keep my mouth shut--it doesn't relieve my awkwardness, but at least they don't know that they've publicized more than they should have.
This is a good time to add a side note: DON'T HAVE PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS ON THE METRO, IN ANY LANGUAGE! Someone else will always understand you.
I was on a cercanias train (the above ground public transportation) from Las Rozas to Madrid yesterday, and I witnessed a scene that was at times painful and at times hilarious. Since I have no idea who the two people involved were and everything turned out ok in the end, I don't feel bad writing about them here. After all, they were the ones to do all this in public.
At the first stop after I got on the train, a crowd of people came on, including a sullen teenage girl with too much makeup and a boy who looked old enough to have known that the waist of his jeans were actually at his knees. Guys, do you really think that's attractive? Anyway, she sat down next to me, and as the train was crowded, he had no choice but to stand in front of her.
It took 5 seconds for me to realize they were speaking English. I was bored, so I turned and started to strike up a conversation. Then I heard the words "I want to die." Uh-oh. Better stay out of this one. "Shut up!" said the guy. (I'm totally cleaning up the language here, believe me).
"Get off at the next stop. It's over!"
"Just get away from me!"
Insert more colorful language....
After this, the girl proceeded to give the guy a 5 minute quiz about her life. "What do you know about me? Nothing!" He failed the test miserably. Then again, she fired the questions so fast, he didn't have time to answer, and he mumbled so much she wouldn't have understood if he did.
"You're such a child! Get off at the next stop! I want to die!"
That line repeated at every stop, with some really creative language, I must say. It's amazing how people can make some words into a verb, a noun, and an adjective, all in the same sentence.
About 10 minutes later there came a 30 second pause. I was about to think that maybe he had gotten off at the next stop like she commanded, but then I heard a telltale lip-smacking sound.
You have got to be kidding me. I turned around to see if my ears deceived me. Nope. He was in her lap, and they were wasting no time in making up. Let's just say that they were no more private about their mutual affection than they had been a minute before about their mutual loathing.
I caught the eye of a guy across from me. He had understood it all. He was surpressing a laugh. We both kind of smirked and looked away from each other quickly, embarrassed to be unwilling parts of the scene.
Smack, slurp, smack. They made the most of the next 3 minutes until their stop, which was also my stop. I hurried to the front of the crowd to get away from them. As I passed, I heard the "I want to die" girl make one more brilliant statement to the mumbly boy.
"Don't ever change."
What?
So here I leave you with my two pieces of minutiae. It's a bizarro world, huh?
(extra points to any who can name all the Seinfeld references in this post.)
So here is some excruciating minutiae from my life. I hope you enjoy.
A herd of segue's. Yep, a whole batch of 'em.
Last Sunday was one of those beautiful Spring days that's so gorgeous you don't have the option of staying inside. One nice thing about having our Oasis Madrid services on Saturday night is that, come a Sunday like this one, you actually have the day to spend outside if you want! After getting home late-ish and sleeping until almost noon, I decided to take a blanket and a book out to Templo de Debod and spend the day relaxing in the sun. And so began the next 5 hours. Amy joined me a couple hours later.
At about hour four, I heard a strange swooshy-buzzy sound to my left. At first I thought I was dreaming (I might have dozed off at a point or two in the afternoon), but the sound persisted, accompanied by some unmistakably British accents. I turned my head and there they were, in all their glory. Six or seven middle aged and up British tourists, each mounted on their own segue, rolling along at no more than 3 miles per hour behind their fearless leader.
If you're confused as to what a segue is, here's a picture I found on flickr:
4888_roller boy
Originally uploaded by thomask.
Now imagine six of them, all inhabited by grey-haired Brits in the middle of Madrid.
Come on, guys, Madrid is a compact city. Do you really need to tour it in segue's? Are there enough even sidewalks for those things to even be useful? Do you really have nothing better to do with your time and money than roll around the park with your bum bag (or fanny pack, if you're American. But a Brit would never call it that!) and visor? And the most important question: can I have one?
The breakup
Sometimes, when I hear people speaking English on the train or the metro, I talk to them and ask where they're from. It's something to do when you're bored. But other times people are having a conversation that is obviously not meant for you, and then it gets awkward. What do you do? You're trapped in the car with them--you can't NOT hear. If you say something, then they know you speak English, and then they think you were eavesdropping, and then everyone feels awkward. At those times, I find it best to keep my mouth shut--it doesn't relieve my awkwardness, but at least they don't know that they've publicized more than they should have.
This is a good time to add a side note: DON'T HAVE PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS ON THE METRO, IN ANY LANGUAGE! Someone else will always understand you.
I was on a cercanias train (the above ground public transportation) from Las Rozas to Madrid yesterday, and I witnessed a scene that was at times painful and at times hilarious. Since I have no idea who the two people involved were and everything turned out ok in the end, I don't feel bad writing about them here. After all, they were the ones to do all this in public.
At the first stop after I got on the train, a crowd of people came on, including a sullen teenage girl with too much makeup and a boy who looked old enough to have known that the waist of his jeans were actually at his knees. Guys, do you really think that's attractive? Anyway, she sat down next to me, and as the train was crowded, he had no choice but to stand in front of her.
It took 5 seconds for me to realize they were speaking English. I was bored, so I turned and started to strike up a conversation. Then I heard the words "I want to die." Uh-oh. Better stay out of this one. "Shut up!" said the guy. (I'm totally cleaning up the language here, believe me).
"Get off at the next stop. It's over!"
"Just get away from me!"
Insert more colorful language....
After this, the girl proceeded to give the guy a 5 minute quiz about her life. "What do you know about me? Nothing!" He failed the test miserably. Then again, she fired the questions so fast, he didn't have time to answer, and he mumbled so much she wouldn't have understood if he did.
"You're such a child! Get off at the next stop! I want to die!"
That line repeated at every stop, with some really creative language, I must say. It's amazing how people can make some words into a verb, a noun, and an adjective, all in the same sentence.
About 10 minutes later there came a 30 second pause. I was about to think that maybe he had gotten off at the next stop like she commanded, but then I heard a telltale lip-smacking sound.
You have got to be kidding me. I turned around to see if my ears deceived me. Nope. He was in her lap, and they were wasting no time in making up. Let's just say that they were no more private about their mutual affection than they had been a minute before about their mutual loathing.
I caught the eye of a guy across from me. He had understood it all. He was surpressing a laugh. We both kind of smirked and looked away from each other quickly, embarrassed to be unwilling parts of the scene.
Smack, slurp, smack. They made the most of the next 3 minutes until their stop, which was also my stop. I hurried to the front of the crowd to get away from them. As I passed, I heard the "I want to die" girl make one more brilliant statement to the mumbly boy.
"Don't ever change."
What?
So here I leave you with my two pieces of minutiae. It's a bizarro world, huh?
(extra points to any who can name all the Seinfeld references in this post.)
posted by kelly_w at 3:34 PM
4 Comments:
The Bizzaro Jerry.... what do I win???? :)
That's one of them, Mon. But only one. Keep trying!
doesn't elaine say this about kramer?
I want a segue.
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